A few up's, & a lot of down's.

The last few months of my college career at OSU, had to be some of the most stressful, tough, nerve-wracking weeks of my life - that continued to occur post graduation.

Though, that didn't stop me from soaking in the few last months I had in my favorite place, with some of my favorite people - I still made sure to prioritize enjoying the end of my college career; which I highly recommend.

Now, those college days are over.

To be honest, I'm okay with that. Tears were shed with goodbyes and 'see you soon' texts were sent that likely won't ever turn into a brunch in our favorite place again. I learned to understand that what was next is a new beginning, with new opportunities, and new hands to shake.

I can say, that two months before graduation, I found out that the job I once saw myself enjoying was a direction that wasn't meant for me to pursue. I fell in love chasing a passion that I once had in prior years, but always wanted to eventually go back into the cattle industry.

With two months until graduation, I had to answer the dreaded question of "Where are you headed next?" with the reply of "I'm not quite sure, i'm in the process of figuring it out." I'm a planner, with no plan. 4 years, and didn't have any direction for what was next. The phone calls to my parents racked up in a hurry, as they too, wondered how their daughter was going to be able to afford her expensive shopping habits, and college debts. Moving back home, was not an option and even though there was a high demand for employment all across the board I was struggling finding a job.

On April 6th, I had an interview with a company that would send me back closer to home, which wasn't necessarily the ideal location - but it was my dream job. I accepted the position less than a week later. (& had 2 more job offers show up in my inbox - at this moment, I realized that those 4 years were hopefully going to pay off.)

I had then agreed to show up in Kansas City, MO to start my new job as the Creative Services Coordinator for the American Hereford Association - a week after graduation. Keep in mind, I had a month to find housing, make it through finals week, walk a stage, and pack all my bags. Two of those things on the list were checked off the weekend before starting the trek to my new 'big girl job.' I lacked housing, and still had most of my life in Stillwater, minus a weeks worth of professional dress that was loaded up in my car. I rented a hotel Sunday evening and made my way North from our ranch in Strong City, KS. Let's just say, this hotel was a hotel that a broke college girl could afford, and was not by any means luxurious. By Wednesday, I was dealing with cops after almost being sex-trafficked on my third day leaving to be at work by 7:30 am. The type of situation that a small town girl never expected to find herself in, and I was in it. Thankfully, my co-workers helped move me out of my hotel on our lunch break, and I ended up staying at one of their houses until Friday - they learned a lot about me, and I learned a lot about them in a very long but short week. On Friday, I signed a lease, got my house keys to my brand spankin' new apartment, and headed back to Stillwater to pack all my stuff, where I headed back on Sunday morning to make it back to Kansas City to unpack and wake up at 5:15 am to start a new work week.

No matter how many times my mother told me "It will all work out," I knew she was only keeping it together for my sake. Through all the scuffles I encountered, I prayed harder than I've ever prayed before. Lord, help guide me through these tough situations, help me find strength in myself, (because I was loosing it with every negative blow I took.) and walk with me as I navigate these next steps one at a time.

What kept me going? I'm honestly not positive, I just know that I found out who my friends were that were checking up on me and dropping everything to be able and help me find my footing again, that my new job was a company in which actually cares about their employees, my family was supporting me even through their worries and fears, and that by the grace of the good Lord, I was learning just how strong I could be independently.

It's true when they say college is the best years of your life, but they fail to mention the hell that you will be dragged through with not a clue which way is up.

I don't write about my struggles to discount all the blessings that I have because believe me, I am truly blessed. - I write them in hopes that whoever reads through them, can maybe feel a bit of normalcy in a life that is scripted by the surrounding influence of having a plan, having it all figured out, and having that perfect life.

Deep down, I knew that once I got up to KC, I would be able to figure it out. I just had to get here. Though, what followed, I had not factored in. There's always a learning lesson that stems from all of the tribulations, mine are as follows :

• Broadened my perspective of what hardship really is. I was homeless, in a new city, paying for rent 5 hours away.

• Not everyone, and everything is meant for forever. I told some really good people goodbye, knowing in the back of my mind that not everyone is meant to advance to the next chapter as I drove away from my favorite place.

• Connected with new people in a way in which will only aide in the long run. My co-workers weren't responsible for my well-being, but dropped everything to help make me feel safe and comfortable.

• There's a benefit in overcoming adversity. I gained a better appreciation of life, and strengthened my relationship with God.

• Good things don't come easy. Yes, I landed a really good position out of college, but that's not to discredit all the hard work I did to achieve goals I had set of working a job I love, and for a company that values me as an individual.

• The importance of patience. I wouldn't say i'm patient by any means, but not everything comes quick - and keeping negative feelings out of the mix helps get through the unpleasant times.

There are several more I could list as I reflect on the past few months, but these are the ones at the top. If you aren't learning through the difficulties that are thrown your way, you may possibly need to reevaluate where you are, and where you one day want to be.

It's so easy to get stuck in what feels comfortable, but more times than not, I feel most successful when I'm pushing myself into new opportunities that bring on obstacles that I'm able to be proud of overcoming.

For anyone that's not sure what's next, that's okay - and it will be okay. it's not going to be easy, but redirecting your mindset and continuing to wake up and do one small thing that will help you become a better version of yourself is a step in the right direction. I may not of known which way was up, but I was determined to not stay in the place that I was in. Reading a chapter a day, making your bed so you can have the serenity of folding the covers back after a tough day, or waking up a little earlier to read your bible and/or do a quick work out. Whatever helps me, isn't guaranteed to help you - but you can't help yourself if you aren't willing to change your ways.

What could you do today to relieve one of the stresses you carry by yourself? Whether you pick up the phone and call someone that you haven't checked up on recently, add in a new positive addition to your daily routine, or simply wake up and get out bed. Small steps, are still steps.

Learn to be content with where you are, and how far you've come. Most importantly, learn to get comfortable with discomfort as it allows room for new personal growth.

xx.

- BR